buried under lucky numbers. at 16:18

yea.
so the last time i wrote was what? a year ago...
well
i'm writing now. again
i think recalling the events of the past year would be redundant.
it's for my thoughts to learn from.
it's only here that the rhetoric will be shared...

all i can recall from the last time i was alive
is looking back.
between silhouettes and shadows
through the reflections in the glass...
at a tear-drenched face
the details were unclear
there was already too much distance between us.
but the image was clear in my head...
the tears fill up the tiny crease under your eye, wetting your lashes and collecting on the ends... until the heavy drop takes a fall onto rosy cheeks.
your hair undulates subtly with the motion of your sobs, reverberating down to your feet... harmonizing with a tune unknown to you but you know you don't like it.
and i stand
motionless
not squinting to see...
but frowning.
i have to keep it together...
if i had let it out there, i would have missed my flight...
there's no turning back now.
so i walked on... hesitantly, but with my shoulders back...
my chest out
my chin up
...
not really.
i just walked to the gate
and after that....
is history.

i've come a long way since then.
but
i've really gotten nowhere.
and i have lost myself in the fog.
it's cold.
but that's just now... isn't it?
what is now?
if now is nowhere?
now is nothing.
but my intentions are good.
and i gotta find myself and the sun.
at least i have direction.
i guess.
i'm just ranting now....
until we meet again... tread softly